At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
