Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
