Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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