So drunk its hurt
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
