You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
