she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
