So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
