When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
