Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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