You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
