He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
