Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
