What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
