sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
