I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
