This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was born a porn star she said
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
