my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
