You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
