half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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