It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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