Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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