Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
