and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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