How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
