Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
