It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
