So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
