glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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