My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
