I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
