I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
