I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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