Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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