Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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