but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
