College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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