Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I know her cup size but not her name....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
