who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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