I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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