I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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