Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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