he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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