I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
