god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
