sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
