He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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