first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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