He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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