i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
