? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
